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Archive for the ‘It’s all in my head’ Category


Posted by shinymac on July 13, 2008

For a few weeks now I have felt like a baby. Not felt like eating one, or even making one, but actually felt as though I am one. In fact, I am still feeling this way. It hasn’t gone away, and it’s not because I scream or cry when my mummy’s not around, although it is sad that this is the case. It’s not that I demand bottles using my vocal chords, or even food, for if I am feeling hungry, I’ll sort myself out.
No, it’s nothing like that, but it is simply that I feel like I need winding!

All I want is for someone to put me on their knee and gently pat my back for a while.
You see, I have a lump in my throat, that feels like something is lodged there in a way, or like a trapped air bubble that won’t pop, and I just need a little bit of help to dis-lodge it, or pop it.

It’s making me burp uncontrollably, in an effort that the burp might force it to pop or dislodge, and it’s making me feel incredibly sick! It’s awful! I’ve never experienced this feeling before.

So last night, I asked Alex if he would wind me when we went to bed. Hardly the most enticing thing he’s been asked to do, I know, but I’m becoming desperate for a good wind! He promised he would, but because I’d had such a long day after not very much sleep the night before, I was falling asleep way before him, so went up to bed way earlier than him. He could hardly wind me while I was sleeping, for that would just freak me right out. So tonight, I will ask him once again if he’ll wind me, and give my back a good pat to see if I can break this lump or whatever it is.

Fingers crossed that tomorrow I will feel all grown up, and non-baby like once again.


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Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur

Posted by shinymac on June 25, 2008

I absolutely relish the challenge of dealing with irate customers. A few months ago, a man came in to buy Israeli Shekels (I just love the word “shekels”!), and the rate had drastically dropped, meaning he would’ve ended up about a tenner out of pocket in comparison with the day before.
He absolutely went ballistic at my colleague, who was becoming increasingly upset with the way he was speaking to her, and I just couldn’t help myself, I had to step in!

However, the person who stepped in wasn’t me. It wasn’t the fairly shy, scared to say boo to a goose usual person I am during the daytime. It wasn’t the one who doesn’t like short coats because her bum looks fat. It wasn’t the girl who would rather walk around the park instead of through it because she’s worried the kids there might laugh at said wobbly bottom.

HELL NO! This was some confident, assertive, and very (if I do say so myself) professional young lady, who just overtook me momentarily and handled the situation calmly and rationally, eventually persuading the irate customer to put up or shut up!

I didn’t get upset, despite the fact that he slammed into the glass threateningly (crikey, people really do get upset when they think they might lose a little cash!), and despite the fact that security were even called to escort him off the premises, (although security never showed until after the irate man had stomped off), nor did my voice even so much as waver slightly. I was in complete control and I loved it!

I found that somewhere within me, I had this confident and breezy lady just dying to get out, and ever since then, I’ve been desperate for another awkward or irate customer so that I can set this bird free once again!

Well, I needn’t have worried, the bird was let out again tonight.

Unfortunately for me, I feel terrible about it this time!
The irate customer in question looked a little odd, and I have to admit, when he first approached the window, I thought he was leglessly intoxicated.
He asked for his money, but he didn’t have the necessary ID with him to use his card, so he threw some cash at me instead, and I changed it for him, and handed over his 1p change.

This is when everything changed, and he tried to pass the 1p back to me saying “Keep that, what do I want with that?”

I passed it back through again and explained; “Sorry Sir, we’re not allowed to keep the change, so please take it.”

He passed it back again, repeating his earlier sentence of “keep it, what do I want with it, what good is it to me?”

I pointed at the charity tin and said, “Feel free to pop it into the charity box if you want, but we’re simply not allowed to keep the change as it will mean we won’t balance”.

He then said, quite aggressively “I don’t give a sh*t!” and practically threw the penny back at me.

His conversation then started to get a little strange, and I was struggling to understand what he was saying. So I kept repeating “I’m sorry? I don’t understand what the issue is here? What’s the problem?”

He then kept saying what I thought was “I’m retired”, which I thought was strange as he only looked about 30 or so, and I was completely baffled.

I pointed out that I had his Euros, and asked if he still wanted them, as he had paid for them, and I was massively confused by this point.

He then said “Course I want them, what are you treating me like this for? I’m “retired”!”

I counted out his Euros, passed them through and he stormed off.

It was only after he had gone, and I was faced with 2 sniggering customers, who too, were also completely baffled by what had just occurred, that I realised he had been saying “I’m retarded!”.

Somehow, I had confused him, he had confused me, and in all of this complete confusion, he thought I was being mean to him because he was (in his words, because I would never use this term) “retarded”

But I wasn’t being mean, I let my confident, assertive bird free, in the belief that I was dealing with an aggressive customer, yet in doing so, I probably frightened this poor man and made him think I was being horrible because of it.

So, this assertive person disappeared for a while, as my flustered face proved afterwards.

It just made me realise that sometimes in life, no matter what you do, even if you absolutely think it is for the best, you just can’t win, and that also, sometimes you need to think very carefully before setting anything free, as it might just fly off and never return. Hopefully mine will be re-caged soon, ready for the next one who kicks off!

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Brand me, baby!

Posted by shinymac on May 15, 2008

Dear Russell,

I am writing to tell you that you have been caught out. Tonight I have been watching you on a large screen, blatantly cavorting with other women, and I am most upset.

However, I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed watching you… you looked extremely bloomin gorgeous when straddling a surf board, and a chess piece. You even made chess look sexy, god damn, you talented individual.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Well, let’s put it this way, I am glad it’s over between you two, and I am glad you are currently on your way back to England.

I’ll meet you at the airport in the morning, although I must confess, I am now betrothed to another myself.

Oh well, we can just have a cuddle, and I’ll join your love revolution.

Together we can change the world.

Shinymacage x

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