Shinymacage

Parenting, twins, life, work and worries.

New Baby, New Life, New Start

Posted by shinymac on January 7, 2010

My absence from here has been well and truly noted. I have missed sharing my thoughts, memories and feelings with internet strangers or family, but I have had my reasons.
So many times I have come on and written up draft after draft about what has been going on, and how I felt about it all, but never published any of it – far too much information and personal stuff to share, so please forgive me for that, but it’s been, well, emotional!

To cut a long story short, the Ballad of Sinead and Alex came to an end when Gracie was 4 weeks old. Not entirely my choice, but sometimes love dies, and sometimes you are better off without it, and I know now that I certainly am, well certainly better off without that particular version of it anyway.

It’s been 7 months (!!!!!), Gracie is AMAZING! She has been my strength, so have Evie and Marley, and I know that having them to focus on has seen me through so many terrible times. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my moments, I still do from time to time, but I no longer think about what could’ve been, or what I should’ve done or said, or what I used to have. Now I think more about my future and what I want from it, and how to go about getting it, one way or another. I still get a little angry, but that’s not about what has happened in the past anymore, it’s more about what happens from day to day, and I just cross each and every river as and when it crops up.

The last 7 months have taught me so much. I now realise how important my family are, and I also have truly discovered how totally amazing my friends are too. There are a couple in particular without whom I would’ve shed more tears, I would’ve felt much more lonely, and I would’ve had a head full of anger and thoughts desperately needing to be vented. One day as I said to one of these friends that I still had many rivers to cross, he said to me: “You do, but it’s up to you whether you struggle to wade through them alone, use a boat, or with a little help, build bridges”. Well this person has helped me to build many bridges, and even carried me across a few of them so I didn’t have to walk them alone. For that, I will always be grateful.

Next post – far less serious and depressing – I promise!

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One Response to “New Baby, New Life, New Start”

  1. kerrymac said

    You are an inspiration to me Sinead and I love you soooo much xxxx

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